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RELATIONSHIP

13 Januari 2023
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Relationship Tuh Gini!

Rasa ingin bersama dengan orang yang dicintai kemudian membuat orang yang jatuh cinta memberikan label ‘miliknya’ kepada pasangannya. Mereka pun menjadi pasangan kekasih. Namun, manusia tak luput dari masalah. Masalah datang dari berbagai sumber, entah dari luar maupun dari dalam diri, disadari maupun tidak disadari, dan memengaruhi hubungan seseorang dengan pasangan. Toxic relationship merupakan salah satu contoh dari bagaimana kemudian sebuah masalah memengaruhi hubungan seseorang dengan pasangannya. Menurut Dr. Lilian Glass, toxic relationship sendiri diartikan sebagai setiap hubungan antar orang yang tidak saling mendukung, menunjukkan konflik dalam hubungan ketika satu orang berusaha untuk merusak pasangannya. Hal tersebut biasanya ditunjukkan oleh adanya persaingan, tidak hormat dan kurangnya kekompakan.

Selain itu, Glass juga mengatakan bahwa toxic relationship membuat orang-orang yang terlibat di dalamnya merasa lelah dan tidak nyaman secara berkepanjangan, sampai pada titik momen negatif mengalahkan momen positif.

Seseorang, in every kind of dating relationship, itu tahu betul mana yang menjadi value dia sehingga ketika dia bertemu sama seseorang, dia memastikan value-nya sama atau tidak dengan pasangannya.

Jika seseorang sudah menyadari kalau pasangannya melanggar value yang dipegang, contohnya posesif berlebih atau kekerasan, hal pertama yang bisa dilakukan adalah mengomunikasikan hal itu terlebih dahulu. Dalam suatu hubungan, dibutuhkan boundaries sebagai tahap pencegahan seseorang masuk ke dalam toxic relationship.

Tanda Hubungan Masuk ke Toxic Relationship

Ada banyak tanda toxic relationship, relationship itu seharusnya take and give. Tapi, ada yang terus-terusan minta, tapi ga ngasih. Contohnya kayak ngutang mulu, tapi gapernah bayarin pasangannya, atau menuntut terus. Ada kan yang gini?

Tanda-tanda hubungan yang sedang dijalani merupakan toxic relationship:

💁Merasa sangat lelah (terkuras), bukannya dipedulikan saat bersama pasangan.

💁Perilaku dimotivasi oleh rasa takut, marah, atau bersalah kepada pasangan.

💁Kebutuhan dan perasaan diabaikan oleh pasangan.

💁Merasa ‘berjalan di atas kulit telur’ karena takut mengecewakan pasangan.

💁Sering merasa digunakan, dieksploitasi, atau tidak dihargai oleh pasangan.

Penyebab dan Dampak Toxic Relationship

Toxic relationship dapat merusak mental, emosi, bahkan fisik salah satu atau kedua orang yang terlibat dalam hubungan tersebut. Orang-orang yang dengan atau tanpa disadari, menyakiti pasangannya secara konsisten, sering memiliki alasan dari perilaku tersebut, walaupun kadang hal itu tidak disadari.

Penyebab seseorang kemudian melakukan dan menerima perilaku toxic dari pasangannya relatif sama. Faktor seseseorang menerima dan melakukan perilaku toxic adalah karena adanya pengalaman buruk di masa lalu, sehingga orang tersebut tidak memiliki contoh membangun hubungan yang baik. Selain itu, self esteem seseorang juga berpengaruh kepada kesadaran toxic relationship.

Cara Menghadapi Toxic Relationship

Ketika menghadapi toxic relationship, perlu diingat bahwa kita tidak bisa mengubah pasangan. Namun, kita bisa mengubah diri kita yang kemudian akan mengarahkan perubahan perilaku kita kepada pasangan, yang kemudian membuat pasangan kita kemudian memutuskan untuk mengubah perilakunya. Hal pertama yang harus dilakukan adalah mengidentifikasi perilaku toxic yang dilakukan oleh pasangan. Setelah itu, kita harus bisa mengkomunikasikan kepada pasangan bahwa perlakuannya tidak bisa kita terima lagi. Barulah kemudian kita mencari jalan keluar yang cocok untuk tetap mempertahankan hubungan, tetapi tidak membuat kita kehilangan kewarasan karena lelah dan stres yang berkepanjangan.

Untuk semua relationship sebaiknya dibicarakan dulu, bukan hanya bicara, tapi juga dari kesepakatan yang ada coba dilakukan. Namun, bila kesepakatan tersebut sering dilanggar, maka harus mulai dipikirkan untuk melepaskan itu. Kita membutuhkan support system yang baik untuk menyelesaikan toxic relationship, entah dari keluarga atau teman.

Memiliki hubungan toxic relationship bukan berarti kita harus memutuskan pasangan. Hal itu harus dilakukan jika pasangan sudah melakukan hal yang terlalu parah, seperti bersikap abusive dan mengancam. Namun, ada pula orang yang kemudian mampu mengubah sikap toxic-nya demi orang yang ia sayangi.

Maka dari itu, penting bagi kita untuk mengidentifikasi pasangan kita adalah orang yang seperti apa. Dibutuhkan komunikasi dan komitmen untuk memperbaiki toxic relationship. Selain itu, support system yang baik merupakan hal yang wajib kita miliki untuk menemukan arah dari penyelesaian masalah toxic relationship. Ketiga unsur itu kemudian bahu-membahu membantu kita menyelesaikan permasalahan toxic relationship ini.

“When being in a toxic relationship in life at times you may have to step outside yourself, to see yourself, so you can find yourself and love yourself again.”― Angel Moreira

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